by DELIA TOMINO NAKAYAMA

I’ve written about “honesty” and “trust” in the past. Lately, another virtue was brought to mind and so I am inclined to write about it this week, which happens to be the week I turn 41 years of age.

Hard to believe. I certainly don’t feel and am told I don’t look this particular age, nor do I have a house, children or a “real” job. I am not sure where I expected I would be at this age, or what my values were to be.

All I can say is that the number 41 has come upon me suddenly, and without much warning, although I Was in my 30s for 10 years, so you’d think I’d be cognizant of the situation! ;)

Turning 40 was a big deal. But ironically, I feel younger than I did last year, if you can believe that. Although sometimes our joints tell us differently, there is truth to the saying “You are as young as you feel.”

I remember my grandmother saying something to the effect that she couldn’t believe she was a grandmother, and “old.” (I wonder how she would feel about me telling all of her secrets... Hopefully it’s okay!) And I’ve heard many people say that their age doesn’t reflect how they feel or determine who they are.

I am happy to say there is freedom in not being mentally confined to one’s physical age. Alongside feeling younger, I don’t care about the grey hairs that pop up or the inevitable wrinkles that define the face.

It’s part of living. To deny the changes is to deny life. There is freedom in accepting one’s age, too.

What does all this have to do with integrity? I am not quite sure, but I am fishing for happy returns of the day! ;

* * *

Integrity. At the end of our lives, when material things have lost their value and relationships will be lost, we face the unknown and a step into a journey we on planet Earth know very little about. Perhaps at that moment we privately and profoundly confront our own integrity and examine the choices we made in our lives.

For myself, I don’t want feel regret or remorse when that time comes. I want to have a clear conscience. For to me, a clear conscience is priceless. Money can’t buy it and friendship can’t make up for it, either. Alcohol and other addictions can hide a guilty conscience, but can never cure it.

I’ve done plenty of wrong things in my life like everybody else, and I am sure I’ll make mistakes in the future as it’s part of being human. But I’ll try my best to be clear inside, through meditation and honesty, so that when I make a choice it isn’t blurred by desire or self-gratification.

When it is time to make a choice, I’ll ask myself, “What is the most spiritual path I can take in this situation?” and/or “What is an honest way out of this problem?”

If I take the time the time to do that, I can usually find the answer and a choice I can live with in the present And future.

Something I always say to remind myself of what is important is: “No matter how rich, famous, attractive, talented or powerful someone is, if he or she doesn’t have integrity, what’s the point?”

It clarifies who is worthy of time, attention and resources. For it’s easy to get distracted by externals and it happens to me a lot. But that question acts as a trusty compass and has guided me through some rough spots.

When I think of integrity, I see a crown one wears on one’s head.Not of gold, but of worth. Never to be removed, sold or shown off, for it is weightless, valued at nothing on the open market and invisible.

So as I dress in the morning, and carefully coordinate colors and pick the right shoes and bag, I will also check for my integrity crown.

Is it there? Is it dirty, and heavy with self-deception or sparkling clean and light as a feather, courtesy of honesty’s grace?

When we develop integrity in ourselves, we can see it in others. The more we create it in ourselves, the bigger our lives become. We can live confidently and cheerfully knowing we are doing our best, and keeping out consciences clear, despite external pressures to deceive ourselves and other people.

For “God sees everything” — and even if we don’t believe in God, our actions are still known. By our consciences.

Like Jiminy Cricket said to Pinnochio, “Let your conscience be your guide!”